Memories

Memories are those substances that have this intangible and unseen power over our lives. A memory is powerful enough to push us forward and keep us going towards a happy ending and a memory could build a wall and block us from even trying to take a step forward!
Memories are those chemical synapses that play fireworks in our brains, when we remember those whom we love, and make our eyes explode with tears when we think about their loss! Memories make us angry, or sometimes they give us peace.
Memories effect who we are, the way we perceive them, where we store them and how we retrieve and interpret them gives meaning to how we live.
Each and every one of us are loaded with so many memories, as if they are some kind of goasts haunting our lives!
I guess the way we steer them could make a difference, help us guide our path and learn our lessons by healing, cherishing , and embracing our memories instead of suppressing, hiding, and fighting them.
Our memories are blessings, that are meant to help us grow and realise the greatness in our lives, even the painful memories need to be valued and faced, for us to be able to keep going and handle our fears.

Fiction is my favourite reality

My new obsession lately is to watch and read fiction series and novels. I grew so found of believing they are real! It gives me some sense of hope and looking forward to a better future!
I mean, why not? I could look at things that might seem normal to everyone, from a different perspective, I see heroes in people who simply offer to help or rather step out of their way to make me feel better!!!
I enjoy observing tiny details, give them meaning and turn them into a way to charge my faith in this complicated world!
My understanding of fiction is that it represents things that seem impossible to happen in reality, and we could only imagine they are real! Honestly, from experience... if that is the case, then most of my life story might sound more of a fiction!
A very thin line separates fiction from reality! And I often times prefer to ignore it!
Living in my fiction world is so much fun,makes me see things clearer, bad people look bad and I avoid them, good people look so pretty and I enjoy being around them! The rest are not so visible though!
In my fiction world, I cry when I feel like crying! I don't need to be all grown up and wise! No aging or changing!!!
I am strong and powerful! I could fly if I want to!

Why not! It's my fiction, my world, my choice!

Strength in my weakness

Tears and fears blend with the sunset

While sorrow eats me from inside

Yet the beating of your heart wakes me up... every night... no regret

I watch the moon hides

And I slide to my bed

Looking for a lost memory

For somewhere quiet 

The sun was shining so bright 

I had to lower my head

And pretend it's the end

But no ... I won't let go

I know ... I will fight 

Until

The sun meets the moon and the stars fade ... and the story wraps up and 

everyone goes home... even if it was too late! 

Passing the leadership on!

Today was one of those blessed days! when you feel so accomplished and proud! Let me share with you my moment of success!

One year ago, I arrived to a new land, filled with doubt and concern of never being able to find the leader in me! How could I be the newcomer and lead, in a place filled with highly qualified leaders?

My leadership was always built on an understanding that a leader's main role is to produce leaders! I kept that in my heart and did what I always do best, to step forward, and knock on doors!

As an international student, I suffered to find my way! I always wondered what did fellow international students do to get help?

I felt an urge to bring international students together for some fun, reflect on who we are, and share our worries and our rich cultural backgrounds. Doors started to open one by one, until today, I did it! I was able to facilitate the birth of a new executive team for the international students' association at my school, an association that has stopped supporting international students for around two years.
A lot of preparations and planning, many challenging moments, but finally I did it. Nothing felt better than hearing them plan for all those opportunities they aim to provide.
I did my role and gave them the key, to where I began totally on my own, rejected by a previous leader who refused to support me! Now, I do the opposite, with my heart in peace, giving new leaders the opportunity to bring out the magic in them, and learn how to pass on their leadership next year ...

Knowing myself!

Within the literature I dive in every day, I tend to discover a new me! From the way I perceive data, and compile it in my processor, oops, I mean brain, I tend to understand more, how it operates!
I am more of a I0 person, yet I need to express and elaborate myself alongside my logical way of thinking. 
For me usually things are either black or white, yet I am beginning to notice some gray, lately! At the age of 44, I should admit, I am surprising my younger self! It is all about expectations I guess! It seems I had very low expectations that I am capable of diverting my expected longterm track ( a wife, mom, part-time educator & artist) into a more complex unexpected track ( a wife, mom, MEd student, Graduate Assitant, students' association leader, and a researcher).
Trying to build the habit of being a researcher, gave me a new dimension of myself to discover! the way I see things, reflect on them, and understand them, is progressing and evolving in a form that I am loving more and more every day. My only concern now is that I need to keep in my consideration, how important it is to come up with practical solutions from my researching, instead of more theories buried in piles of papers.
I am loving the new me! yet I feel so scared of being able to keep going! Within this new adventure, I discovered how unprepared I was! how important it should have been for me to take care of my well being! the accumulation of life has made me so tired, physically and mentally, and the slightest turbulence is just like an earthquake for me, now!
If I had the chance to make some choices again in my life, I would have made sure to be more athletic, and give myself more time to rest and focus on my mental wellness.

I know! It is never too late,,, that is why I am taking my baby steps towards re-building my body and mental health again to be able to serve me during my new adventure. 

One year passed

I did it! I passed the test... I won the bet I did with myself. I had a dream of being able to pass my courses with high achievement, and of getting involved and being able to serve my new community!
A part of me said... It will always be a dream... the stronger part insisted that if I worked hard enough, the dream will come true...
Going back to school after living as a professional educator and a dedicated mother seemed to be such a tough job! It was indeed a tough job, yet it is doable!
Today I am more confident that I will be able to pursue a path that will fulfill my love for education as a student and as an educator... I am still not sure what that path will look like... but with my paint brush and my set of colours I will make sure it will be a path filled with joy and success.
Keep dreaming... keep up the hard work... enjoy the journey... this is the essence of life ...